Choked in Jam

Lemme show you how to drag this thing through the nose, said Abby. There was a slow murmur of life in the room as almost five guys shifted their weights to see Abby’s triumphant face, centre of attraction, for the moment what with the left nostril flaring like it was nobody’s business. Any more pride, I thought and I would have a friend with a single-hole nose.

The scene is set in late 2003 in our Univ. hostel. The exams were still 4 months away not that they were a problem. The classes were going on in full swing. For the uninitiated, swinging from all eight classes a day to all ‘wait’ classes a day. ‘Wait’ classes again were the classes where we waited for visiting facs from other places who usually never arrived. I liked it that way. I could tell my conscience, hey look I am regular so what if on wrong days. The labs were the tour de force of our curriculum, the kinds that could scare the crap out of someone with no crap at all. A sample graphics assignment could be to shoot a flitting duck from a spaceship. What the photon, I throw the towel. Understandably, almost all who were in my motley circle had their grades screwed up. We had no hopes from our performance in college and an MBA seemed to be the only way out. Yes, and we all needed a girl, I mean a separate one for each. It was under this gloom and the just finished Graphics lab that Abby’s nostril was gonna be taxed.

I was sitting on my bed, my back against the wall. Abby was on the floor resting against my bed. Harris was exactly opposite me as if a mirror was between us except that I don’t look like an alien. He was dreamily looking somewhere above my head. Vakil, my room mate was sprawled on the remaining bed. He had gone to the reading room and back. It was as if he had taken admission in the reading room. He did not like his class and we understood. He looked sleepy as always and was hence normal. Raool had taken off his shirt which was a sign that he was looking to hit the bed for his siesta in his room. However he stopped and looked at Abby and said you think all are idiots here to believe you. Oye you wait, you are dealing with a pro here, was Abby’s retort. Anyways everyone looked towards him and for once Harris too shifted his gaze.

Now this is how you hold it, said Abby as he cupped his hand and held the sutta between his ring and little finger of the right palm. The left palm blocked all exits at the bottom of the right palm. There was a hole between his coiled thumb and the index finger where the left nostril was placed. Abby oozed confidence when he was doing things like these, ya’know sex appeal and all. It was the way you like Saurav Ganguly when he lofts spinners for a six. People look good when they are doing a job they are good at. There was a sharp intake of air as his eyes closed and we all saw the burning end glow brighter and there emerged a triumphant face of his exhaling quite a lot of what had gone in. Bhains ki ankh, Saale how did you do it? Raool had put on his shirt. Siesta cancelled!! . Lun you never listen to me, told you I can do it, Abby chanced upon the few moments he got when he could speak with authority. I know he was the best brand ambassador for smoking; he made it look so dreamy and cool.

I had not said a word for the last 15 minutes and I knew Harris would notice. What are you thinking of? Nothing I said. I was in fact. It was a decision I had to make. The kind that have to be made, no matter what. I had to weigh the options available, figure out plan Bs, think of consequences possible and then decide on a topic so seemingly monumental to me. I knew that I had to take them into confidence on this. That would be much better. Should I attend the next class? I asked. I am not going Abby said. He needn’t have. Raool realized he had just missed his siesta and he looked so much weaker just at the thought of it. Why do you ask? Go if you want to. Harris was not my classmate so this was evidently not his concern. Raool seemed perturbed. I had disturbed his excitement, the one he had derived from Abby’s nose. It’s TSN, could be important, he said.

I have not attended the past three classes. How do you think my attendance will look end of the year? I voiced my concern. Pretty much like your marks. Vakil could be deadly with his jokes even while half asleep, you could never underestimate him. However, I needed suggestions not smartass comments. Well I guess I will miss this one also. I won’t understand a word anyway because of the missed classes, I opined. As if the classes are connected, said Abby who was feeling more and more confident with every nasal inhale and had started intruding into unfamiliar territories. Look, you don’t tell me about TSN. I look to your attendance to take comfort, I snapped as Raool and everyone giggled. I don’t attend classes but I know, said Abby who probably had decided to take the plunge by then. Yes, he knows, spoke Harris, from all the IGNOU material he keeps studying and which hardly is TSN that you study and went into his kind of laughter which was more of an irritant than an impulsive reaction. IGNOU notes were Abby’s Achilles’ heel. He used to study from these notes for each subject till he’d realize he was on a tangent.

Well, I am not going. I flopped on to the bed in a more leisurely manner and simultaneously Raool redoffed his shirt in a real matter of fact way. Anyways I have Dhobi to get the notes. Now Dhobi was our new supplier of class notes and had almost ended our dependence on the class toppers for the same. It was always more feasible to have equally good notes from somewhere because everyone would be lining for the toppers’ notes anyways and turnaround time was more. Additional benefit was the fact that he used this real large register of clean paper hence was very cost effective and clear. Saved quite a buck for us plus he had these costly pens which he used to draw and hence ensured more clarity. They were not like the cheap pens we had that had to be humped from behind to get something going upfront. You know it would be better if I don’t make notes at all if I have to get it all copied at the end. Waste of time and labor. The fact that I was giving so many excuses was a cause of concern to me but I shrugged the feeling. Look at Saif, he carries all those fancy file covers and makes notes on bond paper and ultimately he too ends up like us, getting everything copied. Lessons to be learnt boy. I beamed.

Mera to dhobi se jugaad hai, his are the notes I will take besides my own IG... notes. Abby almost could not suppress the IGNOU. So let’s sleep all of us and be real fresh for the MBA coaching in the evening. I can’t wait to see Karishma. Abby liked them large and we did not need no more proofs for that. He wistfully cocked his head and went to sleep in that awkward position while I, glad that he was not sleeping with me, took a more eased approached to sleep. Raool went to his room, shirt on shoulder and Harris started to move out for another cig. As the silence descended, Vakil woke up that is if he was asleep and put on a song he so liked. As for us, we just went into a slumber as if nothing had happened to the croaked crooning of ‘I am so tired I can’t sleep’.